Tag Archives: do not read

Your lord and master is my dog, let me feed him.

Never has the description of my life as a series of loosely strung together failure and disappointment been more relevant than with this ongoing clusterfuck of server migrations. Is that even an appropriate use of the term? Server migration? In my defence, chickens are not known for their migration habits.

Email forwarding has not been functioning properly, vast apologies to those who have attempted to contact me over the past month. The issue was successfully rectified earlier this week.

Separation Anxiety is still down after seeming like a good idea to manage both blog and comic from a single login. I’m still not entirely sure why I hate myself so much and am at least 97% sure WordPress straight up wants to fight me at this point.

While I catch up on several weeks of emails it feels like as good a time as any to post another… erm… chapter of the infamous Saucy Fanfic. If nothing else, people should be less inclined to willingly contact me after reading it, which means fewer backlogged emails next time I fuckup a server mirgration.

I will die here without having screwed anything but my own fingers.”– The Saucy Fanfiction

The first chapter of this crack-shipping crossover atrocity was uploaded during 2014, though MaEmon originally penned it some 10 years earlier. Same goes for this instalment, though as a contributor I’m not in any position to be evading responsibility here.

A more reasonable person would just burn the fucking thing and be done with it.

Yet here we are.

Warning:
The Saucy Fanfiction was something MaEmon and I conceived during highschool.

Being the work of over-caffeinated sleep-deprived teenage pieces of trash, rest assured this is at best going to be juvenile and poorly written, and at worst downright offensive.

Possible triggers (for this chapter) include but are not limited to:
Dubious consent, xenophilia (in the science-fiction context), and ablutophilia. Not necessarily in that order.

This work is only to be viewed by persons over 18 years of age.
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

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Redemption is a word that has no meaning here.

Some time ago it was mentioned that my co-pilot, MaEmon, had left a copy of the infamous “Saucy Fanfic” in my charge and that I had intentions of sharing the work here (for posterity sake, if nothing else).

It seems that time has now come.

Warning:

Please, if you should so choose to read it, take this work with a grain of salt.

The Saucy Fanfiction was something MaEmon and I conceived during highschool. It is unfinished in fact it’s barely even started (probably a good thing) and likely never will be.

Being the work of over-caffeinated sleep-deprived teenage pieces of weeaboo trash, you can probably guess that this is at best going to be juvenile and poorly written, and at worst downright offensive.

Possible triggers include but may not be limited to:
Non-consent, dubious consent, gore, death, violence, possible implications of ephebophilia, and weird Freudian complexes. Not necessarily in that order.

This work is only to be viewed by persons 18 years of age or older.
Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

The idea for the Saucy Fanfic was primarily to make fun of every fandom we enjoyed at that point in our lives, and also to take a jab at fanfiction in general. The sort of fanfiction with poor characterisation, gaping plot-holes, and the barest veil of threadbare story so thinly draped over blatant (and terrifying) pornography that you’re left wondering why they even bothered trying to cover those stains at all.

Think along the lines of Tara Gilesbie’s infamous “My Immortal” Harry Potter fic, maybe a dash of Ulrich Haarburste’s bizarrely sensual if not erotic tales of wrapping Roy Orbison entirely in cling film, or even Snowqueens Icedragon’s terrifyingly inaccurate Twilight-based portrayal of BDSM “Master of the Universe” (don’t be confused by the name, it has nothing to do with He-Man) which you can actually pick up from your local book store, sans Twilight references, under the name “50 Shades of Grey” (really goes to show that even the most unresearched of badly written smut can be marketable if you put the right spin on it).

Not to forget a quick shout-out to one of our personal favourite Evangelion crack-fics: the Pen Pen Chronicles by Adam Friedman.

While the Saucy Fanfic never made it to full fruition, there is a beginning and also a hand-written notebook riddled with terrible scenes and ideas. As of yet I have not had the chance to transcribe the notebook. Who knows what the future may hold?

For now… please stop reading and direct your browsers elsewhere…

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